


Hear Me

by orphan_account



Series: Burn Trilogy [3]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Explicit Languge, Graphic Violence, Ideologically Sensitive, M/M, Revenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-09-01
Updated: 2010-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-11 09:33:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/110932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>'Cause there are these nights when I sing myself to sleep, and I'm hopin' my dreams bring you close to me. Are you listening?</i> Adam and Tommy are home, trying to heal from the nightmares of the ward and with Cassidy's decision. Sequel to Spindle</p><p>Set after the events of Burn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third part in the Burn Trilogy between myself and Sinsrose. We hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Sinsrose has the perspectives of Tommy and Cassidy, I have Adam and Brad.

**Chapter One**

**Adam's POV**

I hold him close to me. It's been a few weeks since we last saw Cassidy, but the knowledge that he abandoned us to be with… with that monster… It hurts Tommy. Don't get me wrong, I'm upset by it too, but Cassidy was Tommy's family. They've known each other for years. And of all people for Cassidy to run to— it was Brad? Brad who hurt Tommy in ways that it makes me sick to think about? I had hoped, at first, that perhaps it was a different Brad, that there was another Brad Bell in this world that Cassidy could love. But Tommy said no… It was the same Brad.

Tommy stays with me at my house more often than not, but today we're at Cassidy's place. We've been here a lot this week, wondering if he's going to come back anytime soon. We haven't gotten word from him. Monte's getting worried. Longineu (who I met when Tommy came and found me, after he was released) has been worried. Pretty much everyone has. My only hope is that Brad doesn't hurt him. Because if he does, there will be hell to pay.

I kiss the top of Tommy's head, trying to comfort him. He told me, earlier, he had a dream that Cassidy was here, and then Brad took him away. But when we woke up, there was no sign of anyone being in the apartment but us. This only made him more depressed, unfortunately. I unwrap my arms from around him and I stand from the couch, walking into the kitchen to get something to drink for the both of us. I pull the fridge open, taking a glance inside. There are cans of beer, sodas, but nothing sounds very appealing. I close the fridge door, sighing heavily.

"What do you want to eat, Tommy?" I call to him, rummaging through the cabinets. I hear him stand from the couch and walk into the kitchen. He has a blanket draped around him. The apartment's on the chilly side. It's late November, and Los Angeles is cooling down a little.

"I'm not hungry." He tells me. I sigh softly, resting my hands on the counter of the kitchen.

"Tommy, you haven't eaten in three days." I say to him, turning and walking towards him, placing my hands on his face. He's pale and sick with worry. There are dark circles under his eyes and he's too thin. He wasn't even this bad when we… When we were in the ward. I frown at him, feeling the scars on my face pulling. It's still a painful reminder; I hate looking in mirrors. I hate looking at myself. The sight of all the scarred and burned flesh… I close my eyes and rest my forehead against Tommy's. He's older than me, but I've grown a couple inches, so I stand above him.

"I'm not hungry." He tells me again, drawing the blanket tighter around him. I kiss his lips. They're cold and dry, and I pull him into my arms again. I hate it when he's like this, and, unfortunately, he's been this way, off and on, for weeks. Sometimes he'll eat something, and then he won't for days on end. I worry about him constantly. He looks so thin.

"Tommy, please… Just… eat a piece of toast or something. You need food." I whisper. True, I haven't been eating much either, but I make it my plan to eat at least one meal every day, even if that meal consists of only a sandwich.

"No," he says, turning away from me and wandering back to the living room. I sigh in defeat, running my fingers through my hair. I love him dearly, but he frustrates me so much with his stubborn behavior. I follow him to the living room, sitting down beside him, my arm draping over his shoulders as he leans into me. His head rests against my chest, just below my chin.

"I know you're worried about him, but you can't neglect the things you need— like food. When he comes back, he's going to be upset that you're unhealthy." I tell him softly, running my fingers through his hair gently. He sighs heavily, nuzzling closer to me. I kiss his forehead, closing my eyes for a moment.

This is how it is for us; quite and calm. I thought back to the last night that we saw Cassidy. Everyone was over, and we were all happy to be together, reunited after the nightmare that Tommy, Allison, Kris and I suffered. And Cassidy played his song for us. He played a song that told the story of what we endured. And Tommy wouldn't stop crying for the longest time. I wondered then— as I do now— if perhaps Cassidy faced a nightmare…

The next morning, he was gone.

Part of me doesn't want to forgive him for leaving if he ever does come back. But I know what he means to Tommy, and I can't be mad. I can't be mad because he helped me. He helped me in the midst of the worst time in my life. When I think back on it, I firmly believe that… that Tommy and I would have been killed if it weren't for Cassidy. I sigh softly, kissing Tommy's forehead again. Funny, how I fell in love with someone I barely knew.

But it doesn't matter. What matters is that Tommy and I are safe now. Dr… _He_ can't hurt us anymore. Brad can't hurt us anymore. And part of me is hoping so strongly that, because of Cassidy's disappearance, perhaps he can help Brad. Because I remember, when Cass came to the ward, I'd heard a hint of sadness in Brad's voice. I'd heard something other than malice. Maybe… Perhaps it's too much to wish for, but I can hope, can't I? For the sanctity of Tommy.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Tommy tells me, wriggling out from my embrace and standing, shuffling towards the other end of the apartment. I sigh again, sitting still for a moment before laying down on the couch. It's early morning, and I'm still tired. I curl up, one arm tucked under my head. I close my eyes, willing myself to relax and hopefully get some more sleep. I hear the sound of the shower turning on, and the dull spray from so far away pulls me under…

_Under…_

_Fingers pull on my hair, and he pulls me back up from under the iciness of the water. I sputter, coughing and trying to regain my breath. Everything hurts, head to toe. Partly from being dunked into freezing water, partly from all the burns and scars. They feel as if they've been torn and burned open again, and I choked on a mouthful of water, spitting it out onto the floor. My hands, slick, clench the edge of the sink and I blink, staring down at the grimy floor._

_I'm back._

"_You shouldn't have been a bad boy…" He whispers in my ear, pulling on my hair again and throwing me down to the floor. I cry out as I try to catch myself, and I jar my wrists, painful jolts shooting through them. No, I'm free of this. I shouldn't be back. Why am I back? Why?_

"_You should have just taken it like the bitch you are," he slams his boot into my gut, and I cough. I open my eyes, staring down at the floor at first. I can't look at him. I can't look at him because then I'll know that I never left. And he'll hurt me again before taking me back to my room. And I'll see Tommy there in equally abused condition, perhaps worse. Didn't he tell me what Brad did? Didn't he?_

_Didn't I escape all of this?_

_He tugs on my hair, and I scream. He really needs to stop doing that, it fucking hurts! He pulls me to my feet, before shoving me into a chair. His hands curl over my wrists, holding me down. I keep my gaze below his chest. I stare at his legs, his shoes. I won't look up at his face. I can't. Something stronger than my own desire not to look is telling me 'don't'. My heart is pounding in my chest as he digs his nails into my wrists._

"_Look at me." He hisses. I shake my head. He fumbles with the straps on the arms of the chair, tying me in. I pull against them, whining and whimpering, but still I do not look up at him. "LOOK AT ME!" He shouts._

_I don't move, I don't speak. He reaches up, cupping my face before sinking his nails into the skin of my cheek. I clench my jaw as he brings his nails down. I bite my tongue when he slaps me. Everything hurts so damned badly. Tears trail down my face and I close my eyes._

"_Look. At. Me." I swallow the lump in my throat, opening my eyes. I can't take any more pain. Slowly, I lift my gaze, trailing up his chest, to his neck. I see the stubble on his chin, his lips. They're pale, chapped looking. Scars run in crisscrosses in his face, ugly and marred. Burned flesh and peeling skin, he's pretty much lost his eyelids. I gasp, leaning back in my chair. There are patches of hair missing on his head, probably from the acid I'd thrown on him. He's hideous. Revolting. I shake, fighting the urge to vomit._

_The worst of it all are his eyes. They haven't changed. They still hold the same bone-chilling hate…_

I shake, gasping and rolling off the couch. I'm drenched in a layer of sweat, feeling so cold. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is that wretched face. I choke, coughing and panting. But I'm laying on the floor of Cassidy's apartment. Not the ward. Not that hateful place. I'm safe. I'm safe, and he's not here, hurting me anymore. My heart won't stop pounding though, and I can still hear the shower running, which tells me that Tommy's still in the bathroom. How long have I been out?

Just a dream, just a dream, but it felt so damned real. I hide my face in my hands, my fingertips pressing into the scars.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

**Tommy's POV**

I'm shaking as I enter the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I'm trying hard right now still not to cry. _Why did Cassidy just leave us? Leave us for a monster._ The letter that I found in his room still kills me. I choke on my breath and run over to the toilet choking up bile. Tears stinging at my vision, and they drip down my face and I don't know what to do anymore, I dry heave into the toilet choking on the bile as it comes out and leaves an acidic burn in my mouth.

I pull away from the toilet not looking at the contents of it and wipe my mouth. I haven't eaten much in these last few weeks since Cass left. I haven't been able to stomach anything. I can't remember the last time I ate. I move away from the toilet and stare at the mirror, tears drip from my eyes and my eyes look like they're so much pain. I begin to strip in front of the mirror, and I can still see the bruises that have been gone for weeks but I know they were once there.

_"Pathetic little slut"_ It's a ghost of a memory and my fingers shake and I try to forget. I try to let go of it. I strip out of my jeans and let the clothing fall to the floor and turn on the water, the water is like ice against my skin, I know it's stupid me taking a cold shower but it calms me down, hot water makes me think back to when Brad burned my…

I need to stop thinking about that. I need to stay strong for Adam, and I need to visit Longineu I've been meaning to but I don't want to leave Adam alone in Cassidy's apartment and besides if I see him I'll drop him back off at his parent's house. I don't want him alone. Just no. Not after what we've been though.

I run my fingers though my hair, rinsing the shampoo. My eyes don't linger on my wrists; I have scars there from myself. I'm not a cutter, I didn't do it on purpose, well maybe I did but I don't get pleasure from seeing my own blood. I've seen enough of my blood to haunt me for live. No the scars on my skin are from when Cassidy first left, I've let them heal since them and have no intentions on renewing that, not eating is simpler but it's getting Adam worried.

I rinse my body and hair and turn off the water letting the cool water drip down my spine. I think back to the papers I found when Adam was asleep; I had raided though Cassidy's things after I had cried for hours in Adam's arms. I had found papers, journal entries that had blood in them smeared on the pages, some of them had tear stains, and various pages had rips and were missing words. Along Cassidy's journal entries I had found a journal that had a number of missing pages and I could hardly read the writing but I found out it was Brad's journal he had left behind, and I didn't understand where Cass got it from.

I dry off my body and slip on my torn jeans, and my _Rob Zombie Halloween_ shirt that I love that and _Depeche Mode._ I run a brush though my dyed blonde hair, which looks like its turning browner now, I'll have to re dye it later. It falls over one of big brown eyes, and I turn away for a second before applying a little bit of eyeliner, it's a habit I picked up from Adam though he looks much prettier without it.

I come out of the bathroom and Adam has his face pressing into his hands and worry shoots though me with a pang of hunger, I brush the hunger off. "Adam." I whisper going right over to him pressing my lips to his forehead in a soothing touch something he's grown used to. "Baby what is it?" My voice is nothing but concern.

"It was just a dream." He whispers softly, his eyes look scared. More like a nightmare Adam. My thoughts tell me. I pull him into my arms hugging him, kissing his forehead again and then my lips press against his neck softly giving him a kiss.

"You have me to get through this." I remind him. Adam has me to help him every step of the way, as I have him.

"I know Tommy." Adam says and his voice is soft. "What's bothering you?" He asks me concerned.  
I sigh. That's so like Adam to avoid telling me what scared him, I'll get it out of him later. "I need to visit Longineu." I have to.

Adam gives me an odd look. "Why?" He seems to be calmer now in my arms.

"Adam, I haven't seen him in over two or three months because of what happened. He's one of my closest friends. I've known him since a child like you've known Monte." I 'm a bit blunt to him but it's the truth, I haven't seen him forever, and he might know where Cass went or give me a hint how to find him.

Adam sighs. "You'll be back later right?"He says quietly.  
"Yeah. I'll be back; I'm going to bring you home though. I don't want you to be alone here." I say to him giving him a light peck on the lips and he flushes.

"Alright." He says softly.

I smile at him kissing his forehead softly and we get up our hands laced and walk out of Cassidy's apartment and down the street, Adam lives real close to Cass which is real useful, we reach Adam's home and Neil greets me and Adam. "Hi Tommy." He says and smiles at me, Neil can be a cockblock at times but he likes me, he thinks I'm good for his brother.

"Hello." I say to him softly.

"Coming in for a bit?" Neil asks me.

"No, I have to go see Longineu." I say to him as Adam kisses me on the lips softly before retreating up into his bedroom.

"Tommy you're trying to find Cassidy." Neil states and I have a bad taste in my mouth.

"No I'm not"-

"You're thinner." Neil comments, and I turn around leaving, and I can hear Neil turn to talk to someone.

The streets of Los Angeles are vacant as I walk down the familiar street that I live on and Longineu does to. Longineu's apartment hasn't changed but he has, he stopped selling drugs, well for the most part now he works part time as a bartender and plays drums when he can. I open his door it's almost never locked, today it isn't.

He looks up as he sees me enter. "Tommy!" He says grinning at me pulling me into a hug. "How are you man?" He asks.

"Not the greatest and I could have been better." I answered, and LP frowns at my thin frame.

"Why aren't you…?" Longineu voice trails off then stops in thought. "You're looking for Cassidy, that's why you're not eating." He says looking right at me.

I choke again and feel the bile rise in my throat and get sick into his sink, the bile is a pale yellow color. I hear him curse and I wipe my mouth. "You need to eat." He has that tone that I've heard him use once or twice with Cassidy and there's no room for argument. He tosses me an apple, at least its light. "As for Cassidy he stopped by around midnight last night."He says running his hand though his dreadlocks.

I take a bite out of the apple, and realize how hungry I am and it tastes really good to me right now. I swallow it before asking. "Cass was here?"

Longineu nods. "He wasn't alone though brought Cheeks with him. Haven't seen him in forever, but he hasn't changed he wouldn't let go of Cass." My eyes widen and I almost choke on the piece of apple I'm chewing.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing just thinking about something." I answer biting the apple again. Cassidy how could you hold him like he never did anything to us? How could you?

"Tommy, Cassidy told me to give you this however..." Longineu pulls out a torn page from a journal, and hands it to me and my eyes read it.

_Tommy, forgive me. I cannot even imagine what you are feeling right now but I'm sorry. I cannot undo the truth, sometimes it hurts more than anything, and I won't lie and say I don't love him, as much as you want to hear that. I'm sorry if I hurt you but you have to understand I loved him before what he did to you and Adam. His story is something that you won't understand because what he did to you, you won't trust him because of it but I love him like you love Adam. I'm truly sorry that I cannot tell you this in person. I won't be around for awhile; you have to forgive Brad he never wanted to hurt you. I'll see you later. Hopefully the next time you'll be able to talk to Brad and not be scared._ _   
_ _Until another day_ _   
_ _Cass._

I froze at the words and felt tears again and suddenly everything was spinning, the colors blurring and my world fell into the black numbness of a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Brad's POV**

He's in the kitchen making coffee and I'm sitting in the living room, knotting my fingers together and staring blankly at them. It's hard for me to go anywhere without him. It's hard for me period. Not to sound like a whiny, emo-y bitch, but… For the past several years… I sigh, burying my face in my hands. I'm shaking again. I'm shaking and every time I close my eyes all I see are the faces of the people whose lives I ultimately destroyed. Pain filled eyes and open mouths howling screams…

I shake my head, opening my eyes and staring at the shapes of my fingers. Sometimes, when I close them, I see that face. That face that sneered at me and made me suffer, just as I made others suffer. Hands that beat me, eyes that stared into my soul before tearing it apart. I inhale slowly and try to breathe calmly. I can't panic about this now, because it's over. He came to save them and in the process he saved me too.

Those two… Adam and Tommy… How could I have not seen it? Adam I didn't know— he became… became _his_ little play thing for a year and a half after me. After he trained me and blinded me to do such criminal things over a span of over five years… Adam belonged to him. Adam was his sex toy and slave. And I should have seen it… When Tommy came. When he told me to take care of him. I should have recognized the blond hair and brown eyes. I should have remembered the child's face that had simply grown up.

He was Longineu's little sweet, angelic boy.

Tommy had grown up, and then I destroyed him. I took his soul in my hands and ripped it in two on so many levels. I cut his pale flesh… I burned those cuts… I let them heal before I did it again, twice as bad as the first time… I… I choke on a sob before standing from the couch and rushing to the bathroom. I'm going to be sick. I stumble, tears welling in my eyes and Cassidy calls to me as I shove the bathroom door aside and vomit into the sink. It's the first thing I get to. I don't even want to know the consistency of the yellow gunk in the sink, but tears are streaming down my face as saliva hangs off of my lip.

"Baby?" Cassidy's voice is soft. He's grown up too, from the fifteen year old he used to be. We both have. But at least he got better. At least he got out when he did. Unlike me. I relived memories until I couldn't tell the difference between what was reality and what was in my head. _He_ took advantage of that. Turned me into a monster. Turned me into a replica of himself and then sent me to work on those he didn't have time for. He always talked about the good boy that Adam was. I got to "play" with Adam's roommates. The girl… God… She didn't last. I think about her, however vaguely, now, and I'm glad she… passed… as quickly as she did. Unlike Tommy…

"Baby?" Cassidy says again. The vomit's gone down the drain and I reach up, turning the handle and rinsing the sink and my mouth. But there's an acidic burn in the back of my throat that refuses to go away. I grab my toothbrush and the toothpaste, scrubbing my teeth and the back of my tongue until I can't taste the vomit anymore. Then I brush my teeth again.

When I'm done, I follow Cassidy back out to the living room. Two mugs of coffee are on the table. He must've brought them out before coming to me. I sit back down on the couch, taking a mug into my hands. It's blisteringly hot, but I like it. I bite down on my bottom lip, inhaling slowly and trying to finish calming down. Cassidy sits beside me, resting his chin against my shoulder and breathing gently onto my neck. It's comforting. I lean my head against his, and the tears eventually dry.

"What happened?" He asks me after a moment, and I lift the mug to my lips, taking a long, slow drink. It's scalding hot, but I swallow a mouthful anyway. It doesn't bother me. I've felt worse.

"I thought back to what I've done. And… the horror of it made me sick." I tell him after I set the mug down on the table again. He nods once, reaching over and taking one of my hands in his. His fingers are tone and elongated, the tips are calloused. He's been playing more and more lately, I have to assume. I lick my lips and bow my head, swallowing the bitter lump that is forming in the back of my throat.

"You were a little… vague, sorry to say, on the subject… but… what happened— with your father?" He asks me. My heart skips a little, but the tug doesn't occur. Not anymore. Not since it was pulled out of me time and time again. That's perhaps the one thing I can thank _him_ for… He pulled my memories out of me. I don't fall into them anymore. I don't forget the outside world. I know they exist. But they don't own me anymore.

"My parents were deep in Christian faith, my father more than my mother. They knew from when I was at a very young age that I wasn't… quote-un-quote normal. They knew that I was different from other boys at my age, but they played it off as being young. When I was ten, I told my father I didn't want to go to church. That was when he started hitting me.

"From then it progressed to anything he said to my face was a segment from the Bible about how I was going to go to hell. Hitting went from hands to the Bible itself. He would throw me into walls, doors, tables… Anything that I was near. He would drag me to the sink and shove my face into burning or freezing water, depending on what he was reciting.

"It wasn't until I was thirteen or fourteen that he was making shit up. He would knock me to the ground and beat me before taking a knife and he would cut ex's into my legs. As if to bleed my _disease_ out of me—"

"Your disease?" Cassidy asks. His voice is calm but his face is horrified. I nod once.

"They saw me kiss a boy, on the street corner one night after some church service thing that I had said I was too busy studying for to go to. They considered my being gay a sin and a disease given to me by the Devil…"

"Fuck…" Cassidy whispers. I chuckle, shaking my head a little.

"I ran away a few months after my fourteenth birthday. My father was throwing me into walls and doors and trying to cut me again. My mother was just yelling and drinking her whine as if my pain was nonexistent. And I left. I went to a friend of mine, Longineu—"

"You knew Longineu?" I laugh a little.

"Know, and yes. He's been a good friend of mine for years. He calls me 'Cheeks'." Cassidy smiles a little, shaking his head as I had done just moments before.

"So, you were the one he was always referring to…" I frown, and he explains. "Sometimes, I'd go over to show him my drawings or just to see what he was up to, and we'd talk for a while or so before he would say that he had to go meet up with a friend named Cheeks… I never asked him about this person though…" He trails off before looking at me with a smile.

"Now you don't have to." I say, and he nods.

"Yeah. Small world." I laugh.

"Very." I'm proud of myself, to say the least. This is the first time in years I've been able to talk about my family without breaking down or fading into a memory. _Years_. It's an improvement, to say the least.

"So… Is that what he did? He took advantage of that…?" I know who he's talking about, and I space out. I still remember his office, that cursed room that he would take me to every day. I remember the details down to where the fucking pencils were on his desk. I close my eyes and I see his face, and breathing becomes hard. I've been able to get over what my father did, but these past six or seven years have left an imprint like no other… I feel Cassidy's arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me into an embrace, my face buried into the crook of his neck.

"Shh, baby… Shh, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked." He tells me, and I shake my head. He has every right to ask. Although I'm surprised he holds me like this… After what I did to him… I can still see light, nail shaped scars from the times I dug into his skin… I shake in his arms and he tightens around me.

"I'm sorry, Brad. I should have… I should have gotten you out of there sooner. But I was just… I was scared…" I shake my head again. No. I deserved to be there for what I did.

His lips press to my forehead and I sigh softly. At least I didn't start crying again. That would have just made me feel even weaker that I already am. My hands fist his shirt before letting go again, and I shift. He lets go of me and I stand from the couch. I don't want to sit down anymore. I wrap my arms around my stomach and shuffle awkwardly to the kitchen. I've no idea what I'm looking for, or if I'm looking for anything. I just need to move.

"Brad?" Cassidy asks. He's followed me. I sigh again. "If it's something I've done or said, I'm sorry…" I shake my head.

"No. It's not you. It's nothing you've done it's just…" I choke on a breath and drop my head.

"It's just what?" He asks.

"This must be killing you." I tell him, and his hands slip over my shoulders.

"What?" I turn to face him.

"Think about them, for once. Think about Tommy… I did _cruel_ things to him, Cass… You've known him for years, remember? And yet you chose me. _Me_… That has to be killing you. It has to be killing them…" I turn away again, tightening my arms around my stomach. I feel like I'm going to be sick again. I still care and love Cassidy deeply. That never changed. It will never change…

I feel his hands latch to my shoulders again and he spins me around. I frown for a moment before his hands cup my face and he kisses me— _hard_. My eyes roll into the back of my head and my arms drop from my stomach, my hands reaching out and fisting the hem of his shirt. I pull him closer to me, moaning as his tongue slides between my lips. This is the Cassidy that I fell in love with years ago, when we were teenagers. This is the Cassidy who, once, was timid before growing into a beautiful man with a drive to get better. He held faith in me… He still holds it. I can feel it.

His hips are pressed to mine and I'm leaning against the edge of the counter by the sink. The metal and laminate is digging into my lower back, but I don't care. Cassidy keeps kissing me over and over and over and I'm forgetting everything that I'm worrying about. I'm forgetting that he left everyone to help me again. I'm forgetting that I hurt him because I can still feel his love…

He pulls away, looking deeply into my eyes before speaking, "Yes, it's hard. But you need me. If Tommy knows me like he should, he'll come to understand that. He won't accept it in the least, but he'll understand eventually…" He says. I nod once, leaning up and kissing him again, my arms wrapping around his waist.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Cassidy's POV**

The kisses are like a drug, I haven't felt them in so long. They feel amazing and I can feel the warmth in them. Brad always loved me. He always did. His arms are tight around my waist almost clinging, his own personal drug, and his own personal poison. _God I missed this so much._ His lips are soft against my own, a soft light kiss now, nothing hard. 

I break away with a low moan, his soft brown eyes looking up at me. "Baby." I whisper softly.   
Brad's eyes are soft as he looks at me. "Cass..I'm so sorry for"-

"Brad don't." I whisper. I know what he's talking about that night those years ago when he raped me, I don't ever think about that. I knew there was something wrong with him and I acted on my instinct to flee that night. "It _wasn't your fault._" I say to him pressing a kiss onto his forehead gently.He's so fragile like a child, then again what he went though and how he looked when I found him…

_~ Flashback._

I watch the sadist fucker vanish out the door with Adam. The same smile on his face at the pain of others, that same sadist pleasure he gets from hurting people. I hear the door shut behind me and see Brad in front of my eyes. His eyes are lifeless brown not the ones that I'm used to the ones I loved, the full of life ones.

I swallow hard staring at him. The blonde- Tommy. Oh god. Tommy is on the floor, caked blood on his forehead, he's knocked out on the floor .Oh god Brad. What have you done? I walk forward, he's shorter than me now and touches my fingers to his forehead he flinches back in a reflex and I catch one of his wrists holding him still. "Brad..." I whisper softly and his hard brown eyes look at me, they seem to be fighting things. 

Without hesitating or breaking an eye, I pull from my pocket a rolled tobacco cigarette something I don't smoke very often, I stopped doing it awhile ago, but this isn't for me it's for him to try to wake him from the haze he's in. I light it in the ward room taking a small drag and press my lips against his and his mouth parts breathing in the smoke in and seems to remember as I pull away, the bitter taste in my mouth, I didn't take enough of a drag to get high, I still need to help Adam. 

"Cassidy." He whispers. 

I nod and his fingers drop limp to his sides, he's shaking, so much. "I'm so sorry." His voice is so heart wrenching. 

"Brad, never mind that now. I need you to get Tommy out of here, and then go back to your apartment. I'll call you when all this is over." I whisper kissing his forehead in feather light touches. 

He nods and I don't say a word as I bolt to where Adam is.

End Flashback. ~ 

"Cassidy you alright?" Brad's voice snaps me out of my haze.

"I'm fine." I say to him, and then I realize something, I don't have my journal, my songs or anything that is my personal things. Fuck. My mind hisses. I can't afford to have Tommy read though my journal, and if I'm right he's at LP's place. "Brad, I need to go to my apartment. I forgot something important over there." I say to him and he smiles, he knows me too well.

"I'll wait here for you Cass." He says softly unwinding his arms from around me and I smile.

"I'll be back soon. Promise." I say to him giving him a soft caring peck and he nods.

The walk from Brad's apartment isn't short nor is it long, but in the middle. However I still remember shortcuts to get to my apartment. I cut across a few alleyways humming one of my songs, Spindle to be exact. As I begin to cut across another alleyway I freeze up. I feel chills on my skin and it feels weird. _Why am I afraid? There's nothing to worry about._ It doesn't feel right and I walk a little faster to my apartment. 

I turn the corner of the alleyway and hit someone roughly, my skin hitting there's I fall onto the ground and the figure walks by and my skin stands on edge. I can hardly even see the person because my vision is blurry from when I hit the ground, I could barely see what the person looked like. _I saw brown hair, and he was shorter than me._ I don't think about it, I mean it's a stranger not something to worry about _right? Yeah keep telling yourself that Cass._

My breathing is abnormal by the time I get to my apartment and thank god it's empty, if I ran into Tommy I don't think I would be able to handle it right now. I walk into my apartment and go over to my desk area, my journal is in the forth drawer. I open the drawer and curse, it's empty. The blonde already found it. Brad's journal is face up open on the desk and I snatch that and throw it into my jacket pocket, along with my song journal that is here. I can bet Tommy has my journal on him and he's trying to find were Brad lives.

A smile curves on my lips for his effort, he either really misses me, is hurt by me being gone or wants answers or it's a mix of the three. A small note catches my attention, its Adam's handwriting.

_Day five, Tommy hasn't eaten much, he's starting to get thinner and it's thinner than he was in the wards. I can almost see his ribs. I'm worried; he shouldn't be doing this because of Cass. I understand and all but it's not healthy for him._

My eyes don't linger because I need to get going and I feel another chill race down my spine. Something isn't right. It chills me to the core not knowing and I head out the door, heading back to Brad. Something just isn't right.

** _And somehow I think sooner or later we are going to find out and it isn't going to be a good thing._ **


End file.
